With PIXELS out this weekend, we thought it would be interesting to choose 5 video game movies that we thought completely missed the mark. Now, we realize that every choice can’t be a Uwe Boll film (that’s an entirely different beast) but he can’t miss the list entirely – that would just be wrong.
Honorable Mentions: Street Fighter (1994), Mortal Kombat: Annihilation (1997), Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li (2009)
5. Super Mario Bros. (1993)
F*ck me – oh my, this is like shooting fish in a barrel. If you played the game, then you know the movie. Just add a story that revolves around fungus, evolved human looking dinosaurs while retaining the same brain size, guns that shoot fireballs and sparks sparks – sparks everywhere. With the two leads rumored to be drunk for most of the shoot, you know this was all bad. This essentially laid out the shitty ground work for future video game movies to come as none have seem to break the mold. But – it’s so bad that it’s good.
4. DOOM (2005)
This movie had the right idea but something just wasn’t right. Hard R video game adaptation with The Rock… what could go wrong? Well, something did. Overall, the movie just seems confused as to what it wants to do. Whether it’s The Rock’s rampage at the end or the movie’s choice to go first person shooter – compared to the game, it just – well, doesn’t compare.
3. Max Payne (2008)
A hard-boiled cop caught in the middle of conspiracy, fueled by painkillers and bad ass bullet time. What can go wrong? Apparently, just about everything. The one thing I’ll give it, was that it looked cool but that’s where the compliments end. The story and acting was laughable, to the point where you couldn’t believe everyone kept a straight face. There’s even a scene where Mark Wahlberg’s Max Payne “HULKS OUT”. Yup, you read that correctly. On the bright side, Rockstar would later release Max Payne 3 for video game consoles and give us the Max Payne film we really wanted.
2. Alone In The Dark (2005) and basically any Uwe Boll film based on a video game
Deep down, you had to know that Boll would be on this list somewhere.
This just wouldn’t be a horrible video game movie adaptation list if it didn’t include Uwe Boll. There are so many that he’s made – but this one was personal. The film is nothing but a contradiction to the game’s plot itself. Horrible effects, confusing story line, and stellar performances from Christian Slater and Tara Reid; you know this was crap-tacular from the get go. I played a few of the games and easily saw them ripe for survival horror type films – if left in the right hands. Unfortunately, it was given to someone who would rather sh*t on it, kicks it in its face, abuse it and call it worthless. -Mark Salcido
P.S. – F*ck you, Uwe Boll.
1. TEKKEN (2009)
Yes. There was a Tekken film. It wasn’t really anything like the video games that most of us came to love in the 90’s but there was a Tekken film. There are a lot of things wrong with this movie. The director of the Tekken video game series even distances himself from the movie, saying the following:
“That Hollywood movie is terrible. We were not able to supervise that movie; it was a cruel contract. I’m not interested in that movie.”
The producers didn’t allow NAMCO to even be around on the set of the movie and didn’t listen to any of their suggestions. What we end up with is a movie that doesn’t even feature any of the video game’s most beloved characters such as King or Paul Phoenix and just feels like a cheap Mortal Combat or Street Fighter rip off.
They did happen to get the look of Eddy Gordo correctly but managed to spell his name as ‘Eddie’ in the credits. These producers had a $30 million dollar budget (according to IMDb) so I’m just convinced they deliberately wanted to f*ck this movie up. It’s almost as if they did it on purpose. And they did just that, because the film was intended to get a wide theatrical release but for obvious reasons, just went direct-to-DVD instead. It even got a sequel – which boasts a 2.8 out of 10 on IMDb.
Maybe one day, we will start getting some good video game adaptations – but I feel that in order for that to happen, the producers need to take more input from the game’s creators. They also need to realize that not everything needs a movie.
What did you think of the list? Let us know in the comment section at the bottom of the page!